Hundred Years War

1337 – Philip IV of France dies with no direct heir. Edward III of England, however, is Philip’s grandson. But the people refuse to have the king of England and France at the same time. So they tell him that inheritance cannot be passed through a female, as Edward is the son of Philip’s daughter. So the new king is going to be elected. P.S. France and England is already not happy over Normandy and Aquitaine. So denying Edward the throne hits a nerve.

1340 – Edward invades France with the first major battle in Sluys. It’s a battle fought between the English and French navy. It was a huge victory for England, so huge that the location where they won is now called the English Channel.

England: 1 France: 0

1346 – The English land in France and have a major land battle at the Battle of Crecy. The English wins, and the French are really upset now.

England: 2 France: 0

To take it a step further, the English lay siege to the French city of Calais, a huge port city. So by taking it, it gives the English a port to launch invasions, ship men, and send food and materials.

England:3 France: 0

600 years earlier, the French drew the Muslims back in the Battle of Tours. That city is now the Poitiers where another major battle takes place. And under the Black Prince of England, the English wins yet again. The Black Prince, heir to the throne by the way, is now a national hero for conducting more victories.

England: 4 France: 0

Finally, the French surrenders. They give up Normandy and Aquitaine to Edward in exchange for him to stop claiming inheritance to the throne. They sign the Treaty of Bretigny and all is well.

1377 – The Black Prince dies, followed by the death of Edward III himself. No heirs are visible. France schemes and takes back Normandy and large chunk of Aquitaine thanks to the poorly conducted reign of Richard II.

England: 4 France: 1

1413 – Turns out that the king of France, Charles VI is mentally sick. If you want more information on that, well Charles got his friends and himself to sew linen into their skin so they look like green furry monsters, danced around naked, ran into a few torches, and a few people burned to death... in public. Also, he thought he was made of glass and thought he might shatter if he was not padded enough.The English king, Henry V, was a young great general. He invades France through Calais. They win victory after victory.

England: 5 France: 1

1415 – Battle of Agincourt. Henry’s army is sick, weak, and small. Directly across them is the large, well rested, and healthy French Army. Between them is a swamp.

P.S. In the past hundred years, the English did everything to increase middle class power and stop feudalism. The French is the opposite; they’ve got powerful knights everywhere. So the English army consists of commoners wielding the longbow while the French army consists of high trained knights.

Back to the story. So the French charge up and as they do, the English shoot arrows. Their horses are stuck in the muddy swamp with nowhere to go. The knights jump off or fall down due to the arrows and get stuck in the mud as well. Most slip and if they do, their heavy armor makes them clumsy and prevents them from getting back up. The English finish the rest up with arrows and after no one is left standing, people with swords venture out to the swamp and stab the remaining knights who got stuck in the mud to death. All the French nobility is killed. Chaos ensues. The French surrenders and gives the English half of their land.

England: 6 France: 1

1422 – Henry V dies with an heir that is only 18 months old, thus too young to rule. The French takes control of the confusion and launches a counter defensive to kick all the English out.

England: 6 France: 2

1429 – Joan of Arc comes into the picture. She’s a peasant girl who gets instructions from God to take the land of France back. She dressed up as a knight, which the French has no problem with because they have no nobility now, and gets France a bunch of victories. Unfortunately, she gets captured by the English and burned at the stake.

England: 6 France: 6

1453 – The nobility that lives in the land owned by England in France switch sides as the war looks more optimistic for the French. The English sees the light at the end of the tunnel and surrenders. They lose Aquitaine and Normandy but keep Calais… until the next war between the English and French that is.

England: 6 France: 7

French Wins until they fight again